Have you ever heard of the idea that we all have "inner child?" If you believe it - can you say with a full heart that you've been doing right by them?
Your "inner child" reflects the literal child that some psychologists say lives inside of us. It's the side of you that is often reflected when your needs are unmet, especially if your unmet needs bring up negative feelings or experiences from your childhood. In our episode "Healing Your Inner Child" and in this post, we'll discuss how to identify parts of your inner child that may require healing as well as how to create space for them regularly.
When's The Last Time You Threw A Tantrum?
Adults often don't think of themselves as being capable of throwing tantrums in the way a toddler or child might, but we've all had moments of overwhelm, anger, and frustration that lead us to lash out. It might be a loss of temper, yelling and crying that went beyond your normal, or exhibiting "child-like" behaviors that you wouldn't express in more emotionally-regulated circumstances. Those moments be a sign that you were triggered by something that digs deep.
In those moments it's important to try to identify the specific thing that caused your emotions to go over the edge and ask yourself what about that word, action, or situation caused you to feel unsafe or unwell? Did the ending of a relationship make you feel abandoned? Did a supervisor's critique of your work make you feel like you aren't enough? If you're able to identify that feeling it might be worth asking yourself whether any incidents from your childhood or young adulthood created those views you hold about yourself.
Meeting Your Inner Child Might Mean Having To Re-Parent Them
We've talked before on the show about how relationships with our parents and elders can have a huge impact on how we see ourselves and navigate the world. Unfortunately, some of us have inner children who view themselves negatively as a result of the way we were parented. When you begin doing inner child world it will likely involve rethinking the habits that you've gotten from your parents - especially as it relates to the way that you speak to yourself.
Have a habit of calling yourself stupid or critiquing yourself harshly when you make a mistake? Do you tend to self-isolate when you experience negative emotions? Are you critiquing your work harshly when you're being creative or completing a project? Do you tend to nitpick at your body when looking in the mirror? It's time to flip the script and challenge those habits.
Challenge the language you use by imagining you were speaking to an actual child - would you feel comfortable critiquing them or their bodies? Calling them stupid? Forcing them to endure their emotions alone?
Take time to nurture the things your inner child might like to do - going outside, taking part in creative activities, and putting down your "adult responsibilities" when you can to make room for play.
Think about the things you often needed from the adults in your life and didn't get - was it physical affection? Affirmation? Protection? Find ways to give that to yourself or get it from the new relationships in your adult life by setting clear boundaries and expectations.
We owe it to ourselves to heal the little versions of us who weren't able to advocate for themselves. Remember that it's never too late to do it!
