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Has a romantic partner ever left the "romance" in your relationship up to you because "you're better at it?" Have you ever been expected to handle things around your home or at work because another person claimed they were incapable of doing it well?

You might want to listen to our weaponized incompetence episode.

Weaponized incompetence is a manipulation tactic that is used by some people as a way of evading responsibility. Often people who perpetuate weaponized incompetence do it in hopes that another person will take on the responsibility in their place. In our episode " Girl Stand TF Up! (On Weaponized Incompetence)" we spoke in depth about this behavior and a number of places where you might often spot it.

Romantic Relationships

Sometimes weaponized incompetence may show up in romantic relationships, especially in those where two partners are cohabitating or married. A sign of a partner using this type of manipulation may be them avoiding having to plan dates because "you're better at planning things." Partners may also use this excuse as it relates to keeping up with chores and other responsibilities around home.


Your coworkers could be using this tactic as a way to place more responsibility on you or others when it comes to tasks they want to avoid.

Family and Platonic Relationships

Ever wondered why the vacation planning is always left up to you? Your family and friends might have just decided that you're the organized one, the planner, the "mom" friend. It's not always a bad thing, but you might want to speak up if you notice that your ability to do something well is used as an excuse for your loved ones to avoid providing you with support.

A highlight from our episode on weaponized incompetence was our conversation on feminism and how men are often socialized to aspire toward being the "providers". We spoke in depth about how often this relationship dynamic leaves a gap in the shared labor of managing a household, especially for women in heterosexual relationships.

Check out the episode on Apple or Spotify and let us know what you think!


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We Need To Talk About Weaponized Incompetence

Has a romantic partner ever left the "romance" in your relationship up to you? You might want to listen to our latest episode.

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